Work Invading My Personal Life Choices

I feel like my work life is invading my outside life way too much. I would have never thought it could affect my outside decision making as it does.  This is just one way I feel like boundaries are being crossed. I feel caged forced to make decisions “for other people’s sake” that aren’t even involved in my outside life.  

So this week has been rough on me emotionally.  I been suffer from depression and I love animals and I thought maybe I should get a pet. I was thinking probably a cat because that fits mine and my husband’s life the best and I always loved cats. I always wanted one of my own.  I had a conversation about this with a co-worker who sits behind me (she is a really great lady and this is why this whole thing is so hard).  She has her own animals and so does the co-worker in front of me. They talk about them all the time. However when I said something about getting a cat, she exclaimed in a very bossy, loud and indigent tone.  

“YOU CAN’T GET A CAT!!!!”
Stunned and blinking I said “well why not” (and I was agitated because how dare she demand I can’t have one and how dare she tell me what to do).
She said “because I am highly allergic and sitting by you would set off my Asthma. If you do you will have to move”.
Again stunned I said will maybe I will get another animal instead.  While thinking in my head “you have got to be kidding me. Does she think I am going to roll around in its fur and then rub all over her desk? I am 4 feet away from her.”

Then she suggested I should get a dog. Ugh I don’t want a dog though because I have a tiny apartment and they are high maintenance.  I figured there are many other animals out there and I could pick one that wasn’t a cat but at the easier care of one.

Later that night told my husband “You know I really want a pet. He looked at me and nodded “OK”.   Then suggested to ask our neighbor if he’d let us have his cat Trouble” I rolled my eyes and said “We can’t take someone else’s beloved kitty lol.  Besides my co-worker told me she was highly allergic and I would have to move if I got a cat.  I think we need to go with something else”. Unfortunately my husband really didn’t find any of the other options appealing and quite honestly I too really want a cat. I don’t really want another animal other then maybe a ferret (but he says the smell to much).   He said “I can’t imagine that you having a cat would set off her allergies. It isn’t like she is coming over”.

I had million people suggest I just get one and not tell her. She was probably “exaggerating”. I am not sure if she is or isn’t. I had people accuse me of exaggerating my sensitivity to smells and perfumes with my head aches. I know what it feels like not being taken seriously and brush of any regard to my wellbeing.  

A few days later I asked my supervisor if I could possibly move if it was necessary. He said “why do you want a cat they are useless get a dog.” (Ugh banging my head on the wall at this point). After a conversation he said he would have to get back to me. I asked him a few times and he keeps brushing it off.

This is a co-worker I like very much and is very kind to me. Just yesterday she brought me some socks when my feet got soaked from the rain. I didn’t ask her she just came back from her DR appoint with a pair and said “here I had to stop here and got you some”.  I said “Oh let me pay you for that.” And she told me how it isn’t necessary and I really need to learn what friendship is about.  However, I am starting to feel resentful about the whole thing. If only I could describe my office dynamic you’d understand why I don’t want to cause a rift here.

The debate stopped that day and this is a debate in my head. I even thought of talking to her about it again and asking if she is sure she really is that sensitive. I can’t imagine she never worked close to someone who had a cat.
I feel really unsettled by all this. I either A. Constantly fight off being resentful or B. Piss her off and the rest of the office will follow and I will become the new target for ridicule.  And I don’t care how much we say “we shouldn’t care what people think”. It isn’t so much about how people think but how one is treated.  I hate having the feelings of guilt because I am “being selfish”. To the feeling like a victim “But everyone else in here can have the pet they want or don’t want why can’t I?” Either A or B leaves me with unpleasant taste in my mouth.

My friend said a great anlogy this morning
"My life is the ground & my work is the hot lava spewed from a volcano, slowly creeping over the ground, smothering it until there is no ground (personal life) left."

"
Time to pray and work my program.